I'm fearful. Fearful of one big thing lately. Death. I fear dying and leaving my kids without their mother. Fear of my kids dying and leaving a whole in my heart that I feel could never heal. Fear of my husband dying and my kids not growing up to know him. Fear of my parents and other close relatives dying. I seem to obsess about it a lot lately. It even cripples me from going about life sometimes. I fear meeting up with a friend for dinner might end up in a car crash and me dying. So if the plans happened to get canceled because of one reason or another, I'm okay with it. I fear taking trips with my husband for fear of the two of us dying. I fear my kids riding in the car with other people because I feel I'm the only perfect driver on the road (big-headed, I know).
I'm getting older. If my life doesn't get cut short, then one day I will die of old age. That old age just seems to be coming faster and faster. I'm not ready to leave. I want to see my kids grow up, I want to experience the joy of being a grandparent, I want to see how much more my relationship with David will continue to strengthen and grow. I want so desperately to grow old with him. Time just won't slow down.
So how is it, with me being a Christian, that I have this irrational fear of death? We are to have no fear in death. I mean, we're going to be with our Lord and Saviour, why isn't that all I need to comfort me and put my fears to rest?
This isn't "my" life. My life belongs to my Heavenly Father. So I'm being selfish and I'm looking at it all wrong. Give as much as I can to others. Make their lives easier. Make memories with the ones I love, now. Enjoy every moment that I have with all these precious people. Bad moods, impatience, grudges....let it go. Life is too short. God has given me this time now and I will not take it for granted anymore. I will squeeze all the fun and love out of this life that I can and look forward to one day laying my tired head at my precious Saviour's feet, and eventually all those I love will be there too. Now that's some comfort!
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2 comments:
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one! Great talking to ya last night!
I’ve been studying the book of Isaiah in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF). In Isaiah there is much about the end times, especially chapters 24-27. Reading it, and the other references, such as Revelation, really make me fearful of death and dying; fearful to the point that I can feel my body reacting to the fear.
You’re right, Kelly, we don’t need to fear death. However, I think we do because we are human and we cannot fathom death and eternal life the way it will really be. Our humanness only allows us to comprehend so much. Our humanness also causes us to fear for the lives of our loved ones after we are gone. No one can take care of them like we do, not even God! At least that’s what we think. They don’t belong to us, they belong to him. Now that’s hard for me to comprehend!!!
I wish I could say something that would help ease your fear, but you’re on the right track. God does not want us to live in fear. And, you and I will likely live long lives, being able to care for the ones we love and sharing Christ with others.
I do know that when I worry or get fearful, I always recite Philippians 4:6-7, “Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God your needs and don’t forget to thank him for the answers. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace which is far more wonderful than the human mind can comprehend. God’s peace will keep your heart and your mind quiet and at rest as your trust in Christ Jesus.”
Lots of love to you!
Danna
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