I didn't go to church this morning. I should have gone but I'm afraid I'll lose my cool and be a blubbering idiot in public.
On my way to get my iced coffee this morning a couple of realities hit me and started crying like a baby. Benjamin asks "Momma, why are you still sad?" I told him because I just realized I'm going to be at 2 different wakes and 2 different funerals in a matter of four days. Of course he had no idea what that meant and I didn't go into detail explaining it to him. Is this really happening?
It's looking like Jerm's funeral will be later in the week so I get to attend both funerals. Okay, I say "get" to attend. Why does that sound wrong to me?
Then I realized there is no way I can let my husband go with me to my Uncle Jerry's funeral. It would be like rubbing salt in David's wounds from Jerm's death.
I'm shaking right now. Why? The sadness of this all is overwhelming.
This is part of our conversation on the way home from McDonald's this morning:
Benjamin: Hey Momma, I see Uncle Jerry!
Me: Really? What's he doing?
Benjamin: He's right there. He says he's in a house far from outer space and there are no rocket ships.
Me: That sounds about right.
Benjamin: Momma, is Uncle Jeremy with Uncle Jerry in heaven?
Me: Yep. (Isn't that sweet how he referred to Jerm as "Uncle"?)
Benjamin: Momma, they said they'll be back in a minute.
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